Being Well with Dr. Rick Hanson
by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson
October 24, 2022 9:00 pm
Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson explore the practical science of lasting well-being, and teach you how to build reliable inner strengths, overcome your challenges, and get the most out of life. New conversations every Monday.
We all make mistakes in life. When we do it’s important to take appropriate responsibility, feel the “wince,” and make amends as we can. But after we’ve done that…then what? Many people find it easier to forgive others than they do to truly forgive themselves, and it’s not uncommon to be burdened by excessive shame and guilt that has outlived its expiration date.
On this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore forgiveness, including how we can forgive ourselves. This includes common myths and misunderstandings about forgiveness, the difference between healthy and unhealthy forms of shame and remorse, coming to terms with what we’ve done, and a roadmap to achieving (self-)forgiveness.
Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
2:05: Assumptions, approval, and what forgiveness is and is not
7:45: What does healthy remorse look like?
10:00: Forrest exploring a dream about appropriate remorse
13:00: Our internalized justice system
17:00: More on dreams and internal parts
24:25: Aspects of unhealthy remorse
27:30: How to move through a recurring cycle of shame and unhealthy remorse
32:30: Proportionality, defensiveness, intention, and owning your mistakes
41:00: Clean pain and dirty pain
46:55: Some concrete practices
51:40: Recap
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