What It’s Like To Be You

What It’s Like To Be You


Ever wonder what’s really going on in other people’s heads? The Enneagram knows. In these intimate conversations with people of different Enneagram types, we go past the facade of image management and self-presentation to the real stuff on the inside.

Gray and I have similar typing, and in this episode we explore what social 3 is “really wanting,” underneath the stereotypical social 3’s polish and comportment. This conversation gets to the heart of the Social 3 in a way that meant a lot to me personally. Enjoy.

Gray’s YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/AugmentedPersonality

My website: https://www.joshlavine.com/

YouTube version: https://youtu.be/omMHtMOdB0g


0:00 Intro

3:05 Dropping in as social 3s; “camera on!” “I want to be real, but that doesn’t mean my brain agrees that that’s safe”; comfort in the metaconversation

6:22 Enneagram origin story; “essence” orientation & you’re doing your type every 5 seconds; “I have to be an emblem of value”

13:07 3 going to 6; Sense of responsibility to bring this knowledge into the world; Surrendering your sword to something higher..

21:29 Triple-reactive adjacent 3 — romanticizing my reactivity to make it an image I want to have, to give myself permission to be that way

30:57 Tracking other people

34:09 Gray’s 6-fix inner ping pong ball, saying something and then reacting to what she just said, without prompting

36:14 9-fix vs 8-fix experience of social “vibe”; how secondary 6-fix supports Gray’s “tracking”

44:40 Awareness of eyes on you; 8th grade performance story

50:15 Heart center & the gaze; when we’re looking from behind our eyes at each other, all of a sudden, here we are together

52:56 What the social 3 is *really* wanting (!) beyond the song and dance (which is a bid for this)

56:45 Grief that the world is so dry of heart; frustration in the heart space

1:03:34 The “role and purpose of 3,” according to Gray; seeing people accurately

1:09:55 Seeing & admiring preciousness; yet resisting “going there” with people

1:14:33 3’s need for psychological safety as a precondition to show up — and the growth for 3s to be authentic to BRING ABOUT psychological safety; risking being missed (the initial miss, to happen again)

1:21:12 What’s this been like for you?

Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay

Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/

Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/

#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram3 #enneagramtype3 #enneagraminterview

Recent Episodes

  • Gray Cietek on Being an SO 3: Socially Tracking Others, Truly "Seeing" Others, and the Heart's Silent Communication Underneath Words (SO/SP 3w4 368)

    5 days ago
  • Sam Leuenberger on Being a 7: The (Avoidant) "Fun" of Talk Therapy; Vulnerability as an Attraction Strategy; and Going Back to Feelings School (SP/SO 7w6 712)

    2 weeks ago
  • Joseph Stalteri on Being a 4: Frustration in the Heart Center, the Resting Attitude of Disdain, and Seeking Refined Social Intimacy (SO/SX 4w3 461)

    3 weeks ago
  • Ikraam Ali on Being a 7: Procrastinating Darkness, Frustration with Negativity AS Negativity, and Giving an "Honest Try" at Positivity (SO/SX 7w6 793)

    3 months ago
  • Dr. Mary Bates on Being a Type 6: the 6’s Core Sense of Responsibility, the Practice of Making Deliberate Mistakes, and How to Know When to Stop Brushing the Dog (SP/SO 6w7 692)

    3 months ago
  • Artist Jess on being a Type 5: Risking Exposure, the Symbolic Objects I Put Between Us, and the Terror of Mindless, Soul-Dead Zombie-People (SO/SP 5w6 538)

    4 months ago
  • Enneagram Teacher John Luckovich on Being a 4: the Inner Middle Finger, the Crushing Gloss of Artifice, and the Sourcing of Identity in Depth Itself (SX/SP 4w5 458)

    4 months ago
  • Kelsey Bishop (Founder of Candor) on Being a Type 3: Chasing "The Dream" vs "My Dream," Authenticity at Work, and Learning How to Rest

    4 months ago
  • Therapist Niklas Wilkens on Being a Type 2: the Inner Hope Machine, Power Tripping as "Super Jesus," and Seeing Through Ego Pride (SO/SP 2w3 269)

    4 months ago
  • Alex G on Being a Type 1: 1 as a Body Type, the Inner Tuning Fork, the Difficulty of Having Fun (SP/SX 1w9 135)

    5 months ago